My Journey to be Healthy & Happy

I worked a rough 11 hours today. Not sure why it was so rough, I wasn’t in charge, there was a lot of standing & waiting in the first 4 hours and last 1 or so, but for some reason, my body came out of it feeling more than some 22 hour shifts I’ve worked.

Anyway, I treated myself to candles, a [6oz] glass of red wine, mood music, & a bath (the bubbles were a little finicky). I was going to make myself dinner at some point tonight, but after being starving when I at lunch at almost 2, I had a 2nd sandwich around 3. And I kept waiting to be hungry, and I kept not being. And I realized, why does the clock have to dictate that it’s time to eat. I’m truly not hungry, and I’m sure with the oversized cookie I ate around 4, I’m over/at my calories anyway, so there isn’t a huge need.

So I’m not. I didn’t even turn any lights on after my bath, just blew out the candles and have been lying in bed, except to type this post…

1- Put a couple pairs of socks in the gym bag. Past 2 days I forgot socks. Luckily I wore some to work, but one of these days I’m going to have worn heels to work and I’ll be SOL. Or really stinky ad umcomfortable.

2- I need some smaller t-shirts. Most of mine are still XL and I look like I’m drowning and am trying to get my shirt out of the way through my whole workout … it’s distracting…

3- (Warning- TMI) Don’t wear a thong to the gym. Especially when wearing baggy sweatpants instead of fitting yoga type pants…

This will be a “read more” post, but I think it belongs here because it’s part of life, and honestly I think less “Real” people read this than my personal blog.

It’s been the weirdest time…

Read More

I’m here. And still where I have been.

I haven’t been working out at all, I have absolutely no desire to (yes, I know it’ll probably make me feel better, etc. this is not a permanent thing, just a now thing). I’m not counting every thing that goes in my mouth. I just need a bit of a break for it all.

I’m still getting on the scale every so often, but not every day. I just need to chill. I had a very emotional awakening the other day, saying things out loud I’ve never said before. I verbalized discomforts and insecurities I never told anyone else before. There’s a whole slew of things that had this coming, but it came.

I’m not giving up by any means. I didn’t come this far to do so. I’m currently just living. I need to destress a little bit and give myself a bit of a break from me. 

I don’t have a lot to say about it now, but things are still good. I did a check in yesterday and again this morning to see if it was lying yesterday and we’re the same.

So pre-cruise, mid-craziness, I’m at my lowest and I’m going to keep creeping .2 at a time and let it go with that.

Jan 19th Weigh-In:
171.6

that I need to stop losing weight. I can’t afford it!

Seriously, I bought 2 very lovely pairs of 14 pants for work and I love them. I bought them in… September?? 

AND I CAN’T WEAR THEM WITHOUT A BELT OR ELSE THEY FALL DOWN. I’m at a 12 now, but I hate buying clothes because I feel like I’m going to wear them for like 2 months again. I’m trying to go to Good Will, but the dress clothes at the one by me have been in the 50 y/o lady department and the other one that I know where it is scares me (neighborhood wise).

I need to go snowboarding this winter. I bought my pass and I’m beyond excited. But that means I need snow pants, bindings, & boots. These are not free. I messed up on my car registration and need to pay that yesterday plus a late fee because I suck. I have other things to throw my money down the drain at, I’m done with wasting money on clothes.

Dress clothes are the worst, because when they don’t fit, they really don’t fit. T-shirts I can wear too big, in fact I still have some xxl that don’t look too bad, just baggy, but it works. Pants are awful. I can wear dresses & skirts, and some jean cuts are okay when they’re big. But dress pants just look awful when they’re too big.

So frustrated.

I’m not really quitting. I promise. But it would be a lot better for my wallet if I did. Just not so much, you know, my life or anything like that.

Other One Year Posts:

• Biggest WL Lesson Learned (here)
• Photo grid (here)
• Oct 17, 10 Reflection (here)

And what a year it’s been….

October 17th, 2009.

This was just another day at work at the Pepsi Center. There were no events going on and the beginning on the season was still pretty slow. I was the only one in the office.

A link came through my email to remind us to take a quiz on aramark.net promoting healthy lifestyles and is timed around our benefit renewal time. Oh yeah, and if you take it, $5 will be added to you paycheck for fiscal 2010. 

I was bored, so why not? And $5 is $5.

As I took the quiz it was asking questions like “Do you eat balanced and healthy foods” “Are you active” “Do you exercise” and the like.

And the answer choices were:

• All the time
• Most of the time
• Some of the time
• Rarely
• I plan to

My answer to a lot of them were the last one. Yeah, Not all the time, but I should. I plan to. I intend to some day.

And as I sat there and clicked through, I could feel my ass growing on my office chair as I clicked my mouse and answered more questions.

So, seriously, Sarah. You plan to? Really? Why aren’t you?

And something clicked. If you plan to, do it. Start it. And today is a great day to do it.

I already had a personal blog on tumblr so the resource seemed logical. I can track my work outs, write down what I eat, take pictures. It’s commonly recommended that you write down things to be held accountable. And I’m definitely one of those people. So I started 250andCounting.tumblr.com

I honestly didn’t know how much I weighed. 250 sounded right, that’s what I put on my drivers license. But I don’t know the last time I weighed myself. I was being a little optimistic, but I didn’t know. A part of me knew I was going to get on the scale and it would read much closer to 275. But I was counting down, and without a scale, I needed a number to start. So I picked.

Then I found some clothes I could work out in, put on my old old sneakers and took the elevator down to the 6th floor where our little “gym” is located and used the elliptical for 30 minutes. It wasn’t a crazy hard intensity, but I breathed hard and my heart rate was high.

I wasn’t even a little in shape, but I started…

October 21st 2009.

First weigh-in!

I honestly have no idea how much I weighed before this, or when the last time I weighed myself was.

Did you know that I once got in a crazy fight with my mom because she wanted me to go to the doctor and get my cholesterol checked and I threw such a fit to not go. Why was I acting so mature? Because I didn’t want to go to the doctor’s office and stand on the scale. 

Seriously? I knew I was in bad shape, but I didn’t want a number to it. I knew my cholesterol had to be bad, but I didn’t want to know how bad. Without these numbers, I could continue to live in denial that I wasn’t that bad, just a little unhealthy, and it would all be fine. 

I remember thinking all of this, but who the hell knows really what was going through my mind. I can’t fathom having these thoughts anymore, to be in such a state of denial, to revert to such a childlike state, just so I wouldn’t have to go weigh-in? Goodness, Sarah.

So this was the day this all changed.

Weight Watchers

I had spent the past few days looking into Weight Watchers again. I was on the program once in 2003/2004-ish. The problem with it then was that I was in High School, I lived at home, I didn’t cook for myself, and I definitely wasn’t in control of my environment. (and I admire all of you who are in these situations and are successful!) At the meetings we talked about cooking, and all this stuff that I felt so disconnected from. It felt worthless to go without my mom because she was the one cooking, grocery shopping, etc. And I was brat about it. No other way around it.

Now things were different. I live on my own (with a roommate) and I can control my environment. I cook my own meal. I buy my own groceries. I can dictate what (mostly) is in my kitchen. And I’m more mature. One of my problems before is that I was successful for a few months. I lost somewhere in the ballpark of 17 pounds, but then one week I wasn’t successful. I gained. And I got frustrated and I wasn’t as careful and I gained the next week. And I was already clinically depressed in a way only teenagers can be, and this just latched onto my problems and I couldn’t do it anymore. In my mind, I could not be successful. I could not lose weight. I was fat, I would always be fat, and there was nothing I could do about it.

This is what is so magical about the fact that I’m writing all of this a year and almost 80 pounds later. There are weeks when I’m not so successful. But that doesn’t negate anything else that I’ve done to be successful. I can do this, I will do this. I’m a better person this time around. It’s time to respect me and treat me right.

I’m glad I’m on this program. Starting off, I think straight up counting calories would have been too much. I started Weight Watchers online and it was a great resource. Finding good foods, calculating out nutrition values, it’s great. In January I made the switch to meetings. Online was good, but I wanted the support and honestly thinking about what I hated about meetings when I was a teen, all seemed like such good things now. People talking about new food finds, what works, what doesn’t, people there to celebrate with you, etc. So first week of January, about 10lbs into my journey, I joined Weight Watchers meetings.

As I’ve become more successful and these habits have become more second nature, the strictness of counting points or calories has kind of gone by the wayside. I was never great at it, but I tried a lot harder then than I do now. I use my knowledge and resources for generalities, and still always check labels. I still look up nutritional information online for things I don’t know, but I don’t always (or often) actually record or add up my daily intake. 

So even though it seems like I don’t really follow the WW program (disregarding Point goals seems pretty crucial) I can’t bring myself to quit or stop paying or anything. Because I still really like the meetings. A lot has to do with my leader, I’m sure. When my Monday noon meeting stopped fitting flawlessly into my schedule, I was a no show at meetings for a number of weeks. Later this summer I decided enough was enough and looked up other meetings that might fit into my schedule. Lo & behold, Linda had another meeting Wednesday mornings, 9am. So for a few weeks I went to that one. But it still wasn’t the same feel as the Monday noon group. That whole group has a dynamic of awesomeness and support (very similar to what we know in Tumblr) that is hard to replace. And honestly, that’s why I continue to pay for my monthly pass and am a Weight Watchers member.

Tumblr

Here we are. Who knew the Internet would be so helpful? I started as 250andCounting, moved into ItsMoreThanJustANumber, and have settled at LessThan260.

I started this completely for me. I didn’t know a “Fitblr” or Health & Fitness community even existed here when I started my blog. I wanted to track things for me, have a place for pictures, and an alternate way to track progresses through food pictures, weights (which I kept as private posts for a very long time), and mind sets. And it’s proved very helpful to me.

The first blog was a secondary blog behind my personal one, so I rarely actually clicked over onto the page. I think GlamourandGrace (then ChannellingCarrie) was actually one of my first followers when she was at the beginning of her journey and when I clicked over to her page I couldn’t figure out what interest she had in my little blog about me. It wasn’t until February that I realised that I had some 40-odd followers that came out of the woodwork over the past who knows how long.

Over the past year, this has grown. And people even followed me when I decided that this H+F thing needed its own identity and to be completely separate from my personal blog. So I changed the name and url completely and kindly asked for support here. 

I’m by no means prominent in Tumblr and am rarely found on anyone’s “favorite blogs” list, but somehow I still get flooded with support and appreciation when I post about NSV and progress photos. And every time it’s a new burst of encouragement knowing that not only I can do this, I am doing it

In short (of this long long rambly entry), this has been quite a year. And this is possible and you can do it. It’s all in your head. When it’s time for you to be successful, when your whole head and heart are in it for real, it’ll happen. And it’ll be awesome.

I still can’t believe that I was the girl that is in those photos for the past 5 years. And I really can’t believe that I’m the girl in everyone of those pictures on that grid and there are pictures and times in the mirror where I truly don’t recognize myself anymore. 

But here’s to the past that got me to where I am, and gave me the courage and conviction to make such a drastic change in my life on which I can build a fantastic future…